Note to Self

Dear Stranger, yes you.

If you left behind something important.
If you just broke up/ apart.
If you went into hiding to find yourself.
If you are addicted to drugs.
If you think you're all alone.
If you come here and say this is me.

Please let go.

Keep calm and carry on.

A Reason When

Escape is inevitable when you suddenly realise that you've lost yourself.

It's not like you just did lose you, but it has been a while since you've asked yourself how you really felt about how your day was/things. And for once, while waiting for an answer, you answered yourself

only this time, with silence.

"But I just want to be alone."

I realise that people are made up of bonds. Bonds that are stronger than covalent and ionic. Bonds forged out of memories, a simple greeting, or a mutual friend. Bonds can be assuring. But at times, bonds are so stifling that it slowly limits your breathing space and it dawned one me that

the only true way to be free is to pry yourself away from these gripping hands. It is probably time to turn away from people who blind yourself with the connection you share with them, and find yourself amidst these normal, non-traumatised people.

A Boy Recluse

It is so late at night and I shivered as my own hand trail along my cold skin of an arm. The grip on my heart loosen slightly knowing that these words will never identify themselves as mine and only here, under the eyes strange to me as I to them, can I truly cry.

It is almost depressing knowing that I, as who I purport to be among my friends/boyfriends/girlfriends/family will never be the I, who is myself.

It almost depress me knowing that I had built myself in such a way that I can only be human far from the people I know. It is almost strange that they think they know who I really am. Truth be told, beside all ironic sayings, they only see what I let them see. When they envision me, their minds would whirl to a charming, polite, rather quiet boy who loved ravishingly and in the company of others who love him almost as fiercely. Which is all well save for the fact that the boy has never felt more lonelier than ever, given the people around him.

I am tired. So I don't think I can be that boy, anymore. This time, I am almost as sure as the cold that creeps beneath the graying singlet I am wearing. It is no longer on thin ice, but out in the cold; this truth.

A Natural Weakness

How do you subjugate the act to love?

A Night

Sometimes there are nights when I finished all my work, all my books, listened to all my songs. On these nights, I realised with a jolt that these are the things that kept me company all this while. Without them I realise the truth:

I am alone.

The Only Exception

I did not abandon you. I was waiting to see if you stayed.

Will you still be here, and never let go of this love? Or will reality's claim be harder than my hands? Choose, flip a coin. Eitherway, I will always always love, pain or non, with you or without.